Packing

I'm currently packing my bags to leave tomorrow at 4:44pm to Iowa. This is not a trip I want to make. It is trip I fear every year. I don't know why I'm so terrified of returning home. My best guess is that I fear this trip will open all the scars I've worked so hard to heal. I love my life and don't want anything to jeoparidize it in any way. Open wounds threaten my stability. This is the first time in the past ten years that I can say that I'm stable and happy.

Last year on New Years Day I sat at the kitchen table in my mother's house and told her I wasn't coming back this year. I only went last year because I was told my grandfather was dying. I'm happy to say Fred Brown is in good health and still alive.

This year my mom concocted some tale about not feeling well and having trobles with her agoraphobia. She is the most manipulative woman I've ever met. I hope that her manipulation doesn't kill me.