3 eyed monsters

The little men who share my bed and feed my addiction.

Pill

Conflicted?

He said I was a fun by conflicted girl.

con·flict
n.

1. A state of open, often prolonged fighting; a battle or war.
2. A state of disharmony between incompatible or antithetical persons, ideas, or interests; a clash.

What was my conflict? I was fourteen.

Reconnecting

Isn't the internet a funny thing? This is a picture of a guy I dated my freshman year of high school, who just contacted me through Myspace.com. I haven't seen Craig for at least 12 years. Things didn't end very well. His parents thought I was a whore that would tempt him into sin; however, I remember one spring night when he begged me to let him have his way. I didn't give in because I could deal with that kind of judgement.

I'm not sure how I feel about ex-boyfriends finding me. I guess I'm afraid of where they think I should be and where I am. But, it is my life and I'm happy... right?

CHUCK!

Did you know that you can design your own Chuck Taylors? Velvet ones even?

Converse.com

Isn't life great?

Spring Inspiration

Maggie's new casual look - defined. Jeans, Chuck Taylors, dark touseled hair, menswear shirts, and I-could-give-a-shit attitude.

Goth girl meets Punk meets Diane Keaton circa Annie Hall.

Must haves: new chucks, new jeans in dark denim, more botton downs, more ties, less jewelry.

Script ideas

Aislin, a sullen teenager, is awakened by a phone call that her mother, Jean, has been committed. Jean was the intake nurse in the emergency room after a meth lab blew up. Aislin is faced with the role reversal of child taking care of parent.

Brian, a young zombie, wakes up in a church and wanders around frozen, wintry town as society ignores him. Brian stumbles and falls in an alley. The police pick him up at gunpoint and drag him off to quarantine. Brian is a metaphor for AIDS patients.

Lara, a beautiful girl in her early twenties, is a cutter. The camera follows her through the day, as she goes to work and interacts with different people. At the end of the day, she comes home to stare at a framed picture of a young man. She draws a bath, gets in, draws an exacto knife down her inner thigh, and is overcome with calm.

Voters Choice

It is time to change.
Voters choice!
Pick a colour

Cute

I'm tired of being cute. I don't think of myself as cute. I wouldn't describe myself as cute. Puppies are cute, little girls with big eyes are cute. Dakota Fanning is cute.

I don't have the cheeks for it.

I want to be dangerous.

Book Review

Rich characters in conflict with each other and with the landscape. Nicholas Evans' The Divide, is well written but not as compelling as The Smoke Jumper or The Loop.

This is one family's story to come to terms with each other's flaws and identities. An affair, a divorce, a daughters felonious activities, a son's coming of age.

The first third of the novel in written in the present, the middle third is written in flashback, and the last third is back in the present. I think Evans could have structured the narrative a better way.

Book Reviews

My goal this year is to keep track of all the books I read.

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson is one of the few books I get very excited about and want all my friends to read. It was a very quick read and for any girl that was shy or a freak in high school, you should be able to relate.

Goodbye

I've decided to take my nose stud out. I've had it for two years and it has been bothering me since Thanksgiving. So it is gone.

Then again, everything has been bothering me since Thanksgiving - nose, stomach, head.

Writer's Note

I'm currently working on a much longer piece of fiction, one that I am very passionate about. I'm using my blog space to play with the characters and their dialogue. Please note that it is fiction. If you like something or don't believe a character would say such a thing, please comment.

Choas

"I don't want to be your chaos and I can't conform to your insane rulebook. I can't eat maple and brown sugar oatmeal every Saturday for the rest of my life. I don't Lay my clothes out a week in advance. I don't want a Palm Pilot to run my life. I hate that I own a cell phone. I hate that I'm attached to world every minute via email. I love my chaos."

Quinn glance around the room as if the perfect response was adrift on the cold night air, somehow tangible like the plumes of smoky, white breath filling the air between them.

"I don't want to be your pierced, alternative, artistic, girlfriend that you drag to dinner parties as an attraction or conversation piece. I'm not a sideshow freak."

Aislin met Quinn's eyes as they flashed with an appology and faded into regret.

"You'll just turn into another thing I have to survive."

Sad Girl

"Jesus Christ, Aislin!"

"Christ was put to death for blasphemy. The son of God died for the perception that he insulted his father by speaking the truth." Aislin paused and unconscously rubbed the scars on her forearms. "If my crime is telling the truth, I'll deal with the consequences."

"Jonas is dead. Why are you doing this?"

"We owe repect to living, to the dead we owe the truth."

Real

“The feelings I have for you are real and I don’t want to see you go.”

“Are you prone to imaginary feelings?” Aislin asked.

"I will help you. I will take over when you are weak and no longer able to face the world."

M-- comes out when the vodka drowns the rest of me.

M-- slapped the last asshole I went on a date with. She was right , but when she's not around I regret her decision.

Sometimes M-- keeps me up at night. She wants to go out and play and fuck and drink and climb mountains blindfolded.

M-- can see the pain I harbour. She wants to take it away. She wants to take me out show me a good time, get me laid.

Thursday Afternoon Update

It's about 5 and I'm just sitting down with dinner and a glass of wine. I'm exhausted.

I've been at work since 8am. I was picking on Svea on Tuesday and so my punishment was to go to the football coach interview at 9am. Which was horrible! I had to sit in a room full of men and ask the very attractive candidate (and I don't like blondes) about his past experience running summer camps, what his goals would be for football camps if he were to come to Western. After the interview, I came to the conclusion that this is the guy movies are based on. The coach that believes in his players, helps them through academics, and shows a disallusioned youth the way to a better life. Needless to say, I was very impressed. However, the candidate was young and didn't fit into the good old boys club. I'm afraid they won't hire him.

I have a few pages to read for tomorrow's music class and I have laundry to do, but I want to just lay on the sofa and suck my thumb. The first week of classes is always hard on me. I'm resistant to new professors. I'm resistant to change. I don't like the shift in my schedule.

I think the thing that is getting to me is pre-emptive seperation anxiety. The realization that I'm helping hire a coach that I will never see on the field. The conference I worked on all day putting together a proposal so amazing they can't help but bring their $100,000 to Western, I will never be a part of, or help with. I do want to move on, I do. I want to move on to grad school. Change always upsets us.

Kong

Jeff and I went to see King Kong last night. I liked it, but I also had a few problems with it here and there - central park scene.

They are bringing Brokeback Mountain in February and the guy at the register said they would be bringing more Indy films. I wanted to hug him. He got really excited about bringing A History of Violence next week. I told him the movie sucked and Jeff agreed.

Last day before classes start and so much to do. I need to finish doing laundry and cleaning my apartment. My last semester at Western State College. WAHOO! Also my busiest semester. 18 credits, two films scheduled already, lots of Newman stuff, contracts for Conference Services. Too much stuff.

Drink to forget

Aislin curled up to her bowl of oatmeal and thought about the day ahead. Grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning up her small apartment, and preparing for the week of new classes and new demands.

Last night had been fun. Drinks at her place to celebrate her homecoming and that a liquor store in town started selling her favourite wine. Drinks at the bar meeting more friends. Breakfast sandwiches from a gas station. Bed.

The night had been wonderful except answering questions about Quinn. She wanted to forget the elation he'd brought into her life, forget all the tender kisses, all the compliments. Most of all Aislin wanted to forget the last morning they'd spent together.

Aislin answered the questions with as much truth as she knew, with as much honesty as she could muster. But she wasn't really sure what had happened, just that she'd ended things before she endured more pain.

Books

Books I've read this past year:
The Broker - John Grisham
King of Torts - grisham
Odd Thomas - Dean Koontz
Forever Odd - Dean Koontz
Velocity - Dean Koontz
Predator - Patricia Cornwell
Trace - Patricia Cornwell
Light before Day - Christopher Rice
Snow Garden - Christopher Rice
Density of Souls - Christopher Rice
The Divide - Nicholas Evans
The Smoke Jumper - Nicholas Evans
Harry Potter Series - JK Rowling
My Antonia - Will Cather
Jemime J - Jane Green
Angels in America Play I&II - Tony Kushner
Cloud 9 - Caryl ???
The Wedding - Nicholas Sparks
Bend in the Road - Nicholas Sparks
This Boy's Life - Tobias Wolf
Brokeback Mountain
Lolita - Nabokov
Killer Instinct - Jane Hamsher
Dark Knight Series - Frank Miller
Watchmen - Alan Moore
The Walking Dead - Kirkman
Swamp Thing - Diggle
Closer
I know I'm forgetting about a dozen.

Books I want to read:
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
Speak
Villa Incognito - Tom Robbins

Wahoo! I'm back in Gunnison! I'm so happy to be home. I can't think of a time I've been happier to walk into my apartment.

Gabe's Quiz

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Hair
2. soft skin
3. eyes

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Teeth
2. Scars on my arm
3. hands

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Irish!
2. Italian
3. Don't know

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Moths
2. Horses
3. Commitment

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Music
2. Journal
3. Pen

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Gap Boxers
2. Hurley Tee
3. Lotion

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Ryan Adams
2. Fiona Apple
3. Damien Rice

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. One – U2
2. Chelsea Nights - Ryan Adams
3. Sleep to Dream - Fiona Apple

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. SEX
2. good conversation
3. an awareness and acceptance of my quirks

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I really can't stand Will Farrell
2. I've considered becoming a lesbian
3. I think Brad Pitt is the sexiest man alive

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1. Smile
2. Eyes.
3. touch

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing
2. Quilting
3. Filmmaking

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Go to sleep
2. Get laid
3. Forget about Reggy

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED dreaming of doing:
1. Writer
2. Lawyer
3. Speech Writer for the President - a democratic one

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO VACATION
1. Ireland
2. Italy
3. Vegas

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Sean
2. Xavier
3. Aislin

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: (in no particular order)
1. Publish a book.
2. Meet a president
3. have a kid

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. sex without attachment
2. don't like kids
3. I like looking at women

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. presence of breasts, vagina and the works
2. I love shoes
3. I don't like to go anywhere without makeup

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Edward Norton
2. Jake Gyllenhaal
3. Adrain Brody

New Years

*January

1. Did you have a new year's resolution this past year? no
2. Who kissed you at midnight? No one.
3. Does it snow where you live? Yes
4. Do you like hot chocolate? Yes.
5. Have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop? No, but I have watched it on television.


*February

1. Who was your valentine in 2005? Jeff Fisher - it was his birthday
2. What did your valentine get you? Nothing
3. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class? Yes

*March

1. Are you Irish? YES!
2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day? YES!
3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005? Got drunk and angry

*April

1. Do you like the rain? I LOVE it
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year? No
3. Do you get tons of candy on easter? No, I don't like candy

*May

1. What's your favorite kind of flower? Orchids
2. Do you like the spring? Yes
3. Finish the phrase: April showers bring may flowers, what do may flowers bring? Kisses
4. What would you think of as a spring color? Green

*June

1. What year did/do you graduate from school? 1996
2. Did you go on any vacations last June? Went to Denver for a weekend

*July

1. What did you do on the 4th of July? Drove across Utah
2. Do you go on any vacations during this month? Utah

*August

1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer? no
2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05? Getting hammered on the lawn with Ellie and Betsy
3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer? No
4. Do you go to the beach a lot? No

*September

1. Did you attend school/college in '05? Yes I did.
2. Who is/was your favorite teacher? Mark Todd
3. Do you like fall better than summer? Yes


*October

1. What was your favorite halloween costume ever? a republican - Alex P. Keaton
2. What's your favorite candy? Reeses Pieces
3. What did you dress up like this year? vampire/dominatrix

*November

1. Whose house do you usually go to for thanksgiving? My mom usually goes to my step-dad's family dealy - I stay at home, watch movies, and eat steak
2. Do you like stuffing? Yes
3. What are you thankful for? I was thankful for Reggy

*December

1. Do you celebrate christmas? Yes
2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe? No
3. What do you want this year for christmas? Long Underwear and a megaphone
4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas? Can't say
5. Do you like cold weather? Some days