Lost Journals

I keep finding myself in these completely f-ed up situations.

I know that I allow it to happen but at the same time I feel I've been manipulated. Because of my passivity I feel self-destructive - not suicidal just prone to very bad decisions: drinking, violence, sex, drugs.

I haven't committed any sins against myself but I'm scared. I just hope I can find shelter from this storm.

Tuesday they are doing a staged reading of Catharsis. Not only was it the first time I've written about my step-father and Joey, but I will see them both manifested on stage. I wish someone could be there with me to help me hold it together. But I want to be stronger and face it head on. It has been almost 16 years since that night, the ghosts shouldn't be that frightening.